I'm working on seriously revamping this blog. I have been slacking quite a bit and realize that I have so many College stories to tell!
First things first: I officially have a 4.0 GPA :) yay me! secondly, I finally got something I've been wanting since I lost it the first time back at the beginning of my senior year in High school. My ex boyfriend and I are finally back together. We had agreed upon seeing other people back then because both of us were so young and we wanted to make sure we were right for each other. We each had another relationship after that and for both of us, those were a mistake. But now we have reconnected and it's the real deal. His mom cried when she found out that we were back together :) happy tears of course. and my parents have never been happier either.
Life is looking good :)
Starting with my next post I will try to keep this blog less personal and more entertaining: More stories, opinions on controvercial topics, pictures, and probably a few recipes. :) I hope you all enjoy!
Much Love
-RoxiJane
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Sometimes you just need a kick in the ass...
If you are reading this (and you know who you are), then please do not take offense to what I'm saying. You know very well that I am much better at explaining myself in writing then I am in speaking. There are multiple reasons why I broke up with you.
College has changed me so much. It has been a change for the better, but still a change. And you are still in high school so you can't understand. I know you say that you are looking toward the future, but you're not. You don't care about school, you don't care about football, you don't care about getting a job... what do you care about? How am I supposed to concentrate on college myself if I feel like I constantly have to tell you to study. I am not your mother, but I feel like if I didn't do any of that, you would never make it to college. I am not your babysitter. Our maturity levels are so different right now and you are living in this fantasy where "oh we are gonna go to college together and I can't wait to marry you!" but that is all it is; a FANTASY. Do you actually realize what it is going to take for you to get to that point?? I am living with the reality that the next 4 years are going to define my life. I am practically living on my own. I have to start thinking about getting a career that will make me successful throughout my life. How am I supposed to feel comfortable with possibly marrying someone who can't even pass math models? I know you are smart. I know you could probably make an A in that class. The only problem is, you don't care. You don't care how successful you will be one day, you dont care if you will have a stable job one day, you don't care if you are going to be able to support your family one day or not. Because if you cared about any of that, I know you would be trying so much harder. But once again, its not real to you. If you want success and happiness, you need to work at it. And right now you aren't even close.
I understand that this is your first relationship, I was the same way in my first relationship. But you have to remember that this is not my first relationship. It is not just a game to me. I hate the word "clingy" but that is exactly what you are. I need space. I need to breathe. You need to realize that you can live without me. What happened to the guy that you were when we first met? The one who said "I will never be whipped" and "If you walk out, don't expect me to come after you". Look in the mirror. If I told you to jump, you would probably ask me how high. And I HATE that. I know it sounds cliche, but I need a man to take care of me. I don't want to take care of a boy.
And then comes the whole topic of hygene. Yes I know you take plenty of showers, but that isn't what I mean. I am talking about the burping. Yes, it was funny at first when you would burp and I would say "NICE!" But it has gotten to the point where all you ever do is burp. And it is gross. Do you really have to burp after drinking water?! And then to burp right in my face right before you kiss me? No thank you. I do not like that.
Then the lying. First of all I am still pretty convinced that you in fact did smoke weed that one time that I surprised you. But that isn't even what I am talking about. How stupid do you think I am? Do you really think I EVER believed that you had a badass mustang, and stole cars, and knew a guy that made special alcohol just for you? do you really think I believed that you had a rich uncle who had your huge dog and 3 super nice super rare cars? News flash: You are not a badass. I didn't like you because of that stuff. I liked you in spite of all of that stuff. And please for once in your life develop your own opinion! I don't even know who you are. All you ever do is agree with me and try to please me. No girl wants that. So why do you continue with the lies?
I know this is harsh, but these are the reasons I broke up with you. Not the sugar coated "I dont want to hurt you " reasons. The 100% truth reasons. I am telling you this because I DESPERATELY WANT TO BE WITH YOU but I can't if something doesn't change. The more you continue to do these things that I stated above, the more you push me away and the shittier of a girlfriend I become.
Reasons for my behavior in a fool proof list:
1. I don't want to talk to you- I don't want to talk to you because when you talk it is either to talk about your unrealistic fantasy about getting married and being rich (which is never going to happen since you dont try at anything), or the only thing that comes out of your mouth is a lie.
2. I don't want to kiss you because I am afraid you have either just burped, or are going to burp in my face.
3. I don't want to show you any affection because you are not mature enough to handle it. You think that we are one person. NO NO. I am one person, and you are one person. you need to mature up and straighten out your priorities.
4. I don't want you to hang out with my friends because all you ever do is make up these bogus lies that no one believes and it makes my friends think that you are nothing but a poser trying too hard to impress them and me.
again, I am not doing this to hurt you, I am doing this to make you realize why I am unhappy. And honestly I don't see you figuring any of these things out for a very long time, simply because you are still in high school, and well, that isn't your fault, but I can't be with you like this. We are two very different people now. I want it to work, but I don't know how it could. Please if you decide to develop your own opinion for once in your life, then by all means, PLEASE PROVE ME WRONG.
I love you... Always will.
College has changed me so much. It has been a change for the better, but still a change. And you are still in high school so you can't understand. I know you say that you are looking toward the future, but you're not. You don't care about school, you don't care about football, you don't care about getting a job... what do you care about? How am I supposed to concentrate on college myself if I feel like I constantly have to tell you to study. I am not your mother, but I feel like if I didn't do any of that, you would never make it to college. I am not your babysitter. Our maturity levels are so different right now and you are living in this fantasy where "oh we are gonna go to college together and I can't wait to marry you!" but that is all it is; a FANTASY. Do you actually realize what it is going to take for you to get to that point?? I am living with the reality that the next 4 years are going to define my life. I am practically living on my own. I have to start thinking about getting a career that will make me successful throughout my life. How am I supposed to feel comfortable with possibly marrying someone who can't even pass math models? I know you are smart. I know you could probably make an A in that class. The only problem is, you don't care. You don't care how successful you will be one day, you dont care if you will have a stable job one day, you don't care if you are going to be able to support your family one day or not. Because if you cared about any of that, I know you would be trying so much harder. But once again, its not real to you. If you want success and happiness, you need to work at it. And right now you aren't even close.
I understand that this is your first relationship, I was the same way in my first relationship. But you have to remember that this is not my first relationship. It is not just a game to me. I hate the word "clingy" but that is exactly what you are. I need space. I need to breathe. You need to realize that you can live without me. What happened to the guy that you were when we first met? The one who said "I will never be whipped" and "If you walk out, don't expect me to come after you". Look in the mirror. If I told you to jump, you would probably ask me how high. And I HATE that. I know it sounds cliche, but I need a man to take care of me. I don't want to take care of a boy.
And then comes the whole topic of hygene. Yes I know you take plenty of showers, but that isn't what I mean. I am talking about the burping. Yes, it was funny at first when you would burp and I would say "NICE!" But it has gotten to the point where all you ever do is burp. And it is gross. Do you really have to burp after drinking water?! And then to burp right in my face right before you kiss me? No thank you. I do not like that.
Then the lying. First of all I am still pretty convinced that you in fact did smoke weed that one time that I surprised you. But that isn't even what I am talking about. How stupid do you think I am? Do you really think I EVER believed that you had a badass mustang, and stole cars, and knew a guy that made special alcohol just for you? do you really think I believed that you had a rich uncle who had your huge dog and 3 super nice super rare cars? News flash: You are not a badass. I didn't like you because of that stuff. I liked you in spite of all of that stuff. And please for once in your life develop your own opinion! I don't even know who you are. All you ever do is agree with me and try to please me. No girl wants that. So why do you continue with the lies?
I know this is harsh, but these are the reasons I broke up with you. Not the sugar coated "I dont want to hurt you " reasons. The 100% truth reasons. I am telling you this because I DESPERATELY WANT TO BE WITH YOU but I can't if something doesn't change. The more you continue to do these things that I stated above, the more you push me away and the shittier of a girlfriend I become.
Reasons for my behavior in a fool proof list:
1. I don't want to talk to you- I don't want to talk to you because when you talk it is either to talk about your unrealistic fantasy about getting married and being rich (which is never going to happen since you dont try at anything), or the only thing that comes out of your mouth is a lie.
2. I don't want to kiss you because I am afraid you have either just burped, or are going to burp in my face.
3. I don't want to show you any affection because you are not mature enough to handle it. You think that we are one person. NO NO. I am one person, and you are one person. you need to mature up and straighten out your priorities.
4. I don't want you to hang out with my friends because all you ever do is make up these bogus lies that no one believes and it makes my friends think that you are nothing but a poser trying too hard to impress them and me.
again, I am not doing this to hurt you, I am doing this to make you realize why I am unhappy. And honestly I don't see you figuring any of these things out for a very long time, simply because you are still in high school, and well, that isn't your fault, but I can't be with you like this. We are two very different people now. I want it to work, but I don't know how it could. Please if you decide to develop your own opinion for once in your life, then by all means, PLEASE PROVE ME WRONG.
I love you... Always will.
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