Honesty is something that I value greatly. I always like to give people the benefit of the doubt, meaning that I will trust you until you give me a reason not to trust you anymore. Maybe that is a bad thing; trusting too easily. But it is the way I have done it my entire life. I have gotten my heart broken twice before. Both times for the same reason. I was cheated on. So you'd think that I'd have an excuse to not trust people. Yet for some reason, I still always give people the benefit of the doubt.
What I don't understand, is why people can't just be honest. If someone asks you to please be honest with them no matter what, and they even say "Just tell me and I won't be mad" then you need to tell them what's going on. I can't stand sketchy business/people. In my opinion, if you feel like you have to lie about something, or hide something from me, then you either don't know me very well, you don't trust me, or you know you did something wrong. If you fuck up...tell me. Don't hide it and let me figure it out on my own. Do people realize how badly hiding something from a person can hurt them?
I have all the reason in the world to not trust anyone. I have had ex-bestfriends that have stabbed me in the back, stolen from me, lied to me, lied about me, and gotten me in trouble for things that they did just so they could cover their own asses. I have had boyfriends that have lied to me, spoken badly behind my back, and cheated on me multiple times. I have had family lie to me, make fun of me in a hurtful way, disrespect me, and be mean to me in a physical way. To put it in short, I have been hurt by just about everyone that I have ever given my trust to. I hate myself for being so easy to trust people, but I just keep hoping that one day I will find someone who is completely honest to me 100 percent of the time.
I am starting to lose faith in the word trust though. Too many things have happened that have had a negative impact on my view of trust, and not enough things have had a positive impact. I do not want to get to the point where I simply don't trust anyone anymore, however my life seems to be headed in that direction.
This Europe trip that I am going on is coming at a perfect time. I need to get away from everything and everyone here. At least for a little while. I won't have my phone so I will have minimal contact with everyone here but that's fine with me. I just want to get out and focus on myself, and enjoy summer in such a beautiful location.
To all the liars out there, you will end up with nothing someday. Just wait and see.
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